Ephesians 5:21-33 is one of the main passages in the New Testament about marriage. It’s often read at weddings, and it’s also often argued about. This post isn’t a full study. It’s a simple guide for husbands and wives who want to read it together.
Start with the verse before
The passage begins with a call to everyone in the church:
“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
Before Paul says anything about husbands and wives, he calls all Christians to put others first, out of love for Jesus. Read the rest of the passage in that light.
A picture of Christ and the church
Paul says the greatest love story is between Christ and his people, and that marriage is meant to reflect it.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)
The standard for a husband’s love is Jesus on the cross: sacrificial, patient and focused on his wife’s good. It’s a high calling, and it rules out any kind of harshness or control.
Paul also calls wives to respect their husbands.
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
Christians understand the details of this passage in different ways. What’s clear is that both husband and wife are called to self-giving love, shaped by Christ.
What the passage doesn’t allow
This passage is never a licence for abuse or control. A husband who uses it to dominate has missed its whole point, which is Christ-like, sacrificial love. If anyone in your home is being harmed or controlled, please seek help. Call 999 in an emergency, or the free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. The Men’s Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327.
Questions to talk about together
Read Ephesians 5:21-33 aloud, then talk about these questions, gently and honestly:
- What does it look like for us to put each other first this week?
- When do you feel most loved by me? When do you feel most respected?
- What does Christ’s love for the church teach us about patience and forgiveness?
- Is there anything in this passage that worries you? Why?
- How could we reflect Christ’s love to our children, family or friends?
Finish by praying for each other. See praying together as a couple.
Go deeper
You may also find what the Bible means by covenant helpful. Engaged couples can explore these passages with Pastor Victor in preparing for marriage, and married couples in strengthening your marriage.
