Many Christian couples pray on their own, at church and with friends, yet find it hard to pray with each other. It can feel awkward, exposing or forced. If that’s you, you’re far from alone, and it can change.
Why it feels hard
- Prayer is personal, and praying aloud in front of your spouse can feel very vulnerable.
- One of you may be more confident praying aloud than the other.
- If things are tense between you, praying together can feel false.
- Life is busy, and it’s easy to keep meaning to start.
Why it’s worth it
“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:19-20 (ESV)
When a husband and wife pray together, they’re reminded that God is at the centre of their marriage. It’s hard to stay angry with someone you’ve just prayed for. Many couples find praying together brings a closeness that nothing else does.
Ways to start
Keep it short. One or two sentences each is plenty. “Lord, thank you for today. Please help us with tomorrow.”
Pray for each other. Ask, “How can I pray for you?” and then pray for that one thing.
Hold hands. It’s a simple sign that you’re in this together.
Use written prayers. The Lord’s Prayer, a Psalm, or a prayer from a devotional book. Read it aloud together.
Take turns. If one of you is shy, the other can pray and the shy spouse can say “Amen”. Over time, add a sentence.
Pick a time and place. Before bed, at breakfast or at the end of your weekly check-in. A regular time makes it a habit.
When you’ve argued
Praying together after an argument can feel impossible. Try a simple prayer that doesn’t take sides: “Lord, we’re struggling. Please help us to understand each other.” Sometimes praying together is the first step towards an apology. See how to apologise well.
Use a devotional
A devotional gives you a Bible passage and a prayer to share. It takes away the pressure of knowing what to say. See how to use a devotional together as a couple. Pastor Victor’s Covenant Restoration is a 21-day devotional written for couples, with a prayer for each day.
Don’t give up
If you miss a few days, just start again. God isn’t keeping score. Your marriage will be stronger for every prayer you pray together, however short.
If praying together has become hard because of hurt in your marriage, Pastor Victor’s marriage restoration programme includes praying together again as one of its themes.
