Most marriages don’t need a big intervention. They need regular, small conversations, so that hurts are noticed early and good things are said out loud. A weekly check-in is a simple way to build that habit.
How it works
Pick a regular time each week, when you’re both reasonably rested. Sunday evening works for many couples. Put phones away. Set aside 20 to 30 minutes. Then work through four short parts.
1. Thank you
Each of you says one or two things you appreciated about the other this week. Be specific: “Thank you for getting up with the baby on Tuesday so I could sleep.”
2. How are you, really?
Each of you shares how the week has been: work, health, faith, anything on your mind. The other listens without fixing. Our post on how to listen so your spouse feels heard may help.
3. Anything between us?
Is there anything that hurt or bothered you this week? Raise it gently, while it’s still small. The aim isn’t to have a full argument. It’s to make sure nothing gets buried. If something big comes up, agree a separate time to talk it through properly.
4. Plan and pray
Look at the week ahead together: diaries, money, family, anything that needs a decision. Then pray for each other, even briefly. If praying together feels awkward, read praying together as a couple.
Questions to get you started
- What made you feel loved this week?
- What was the hardest part of your week?
- Is there anything you need from me next week?
- What is one thing we could do together soon?
- How can I pray for you?
Keep it light
A check-in shouldn’t feel like a meeting at work. Make a cup of tea. Sit somewhere comfortable. Some weeks it will take ten minutes. Some weeks it will open up a conversation that matters. Both are fine.
Why it helps
Small hurts grow when they’re left alone. A regular check-in gives them somewhere to go. It also makes sure that thanks and encouragement are said out loud, which many couples stop doing as the years go by.
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV)
Make it stick
Try it for six weeks before you decide whether it works for you. Put it in both diaries. If you miss a week, just start again the next one.
If you’d like help building good habits like this, Pastor Victor’s strengthening your marriage programme gives couples something practical to try after every session. And if you’ve drifted apart, start with when you feel more like flatmates.
