Every marriage has hard seasons. Many pass with time, prayer and effort. But couples often wait too long before asking for help, sometimes until both are exhausted and hope is running low. Asking earlier is a sign of wisdom, not failure.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (ESV)
Signs it may be time
The same argument keeps coming back. You’ve tried to solve it, and you can’t. See arguments that go round in circles.
You’ve stopped talking about anything that matters. Conversation is all logistics. See when you feel more like flatmates.
Trust has been broken. Betrayal, hidden debt or lies are very hard to work through alone. See rebuilding trust after betrayal.
One of you has mentioned separation. Even said in anger, it’s a sign something needs attention.
Contempt has crept in. Eye-rolling, mocking or name-calling are signs the marriage is under strain.
You feel lonely together. You share a home but not your hearts.
A big change has hit. A new baby, bereavement, illness, redundancy or children leaving home can shake even strong marriages.
Your faith has gone quiet. You no longer pray together or go to church together.
Why couples wait
- embarrassment, especially for couples who are well known in church
- fear that asking for help means the marriage is failing
- hoping things will sort themselves out
- one spouse being unwilling
These are understandable. But problems in marriage rarely get smaller on their own.
What getting help looks like
Asking for help doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be a few confidential sessions with a pastor. You’ll talk, pray, learn some new habits and try them at home. For many couples, that’s enough to turn things around. See what happens in a first session.
When to get urgent help
Some situations need more than pastoral care, and need it now:
- If anyone is being hurt, threatened or controlled at home, call 999 in an emergency, or the free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Men can call the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327.
- If you or your spouse are thinking about suicide, call 999 or Samaritans on 116 123.
- For depression, anxiety or addiction, speak to your GP as well.
Taking the first step
If any of these signs sound familiar, consider reaching out this week. Pastor Victor offers confidential sessions for couples in crisis and for couples who want to strengthen their marriage, online or in person.
Send a short enquiry, and he’ll arrange a call to talk about what would help.
