Weddings take a lot of planning. Venues, guest lists, outfits, food and family opinions can fill every spare evening. It’s easy to reach the big day tired and a little disconnected, having spent months talking about the wedding and very little about the marriage.
It doesn’t have to be that way. A few simple habits can keep your relationship at the centre.
Set a “no wedding talk” night
Choose one evening a week when you don’t talk about the wedding at all. Go for a walk, cook together, or talk about anything else. Remind yourselves why you’re getting married.
Keep praying together
Engagement is a good time to build the habit of prayer. Pray for each other, for your families and for your future home. If it feels awkward, start small. See praying together as a couple.
“Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” Proverbs 16:3 (ESV)
Make decisions as a team
How you plan the wedding is good practice for how you’ll make decisions as a married couple. Notice:
- Do you each feel heard?
- Does one of you make most of the decisions?
- How do you handle disagreement with each other, and with family?
If wedding planning is causing a lot of arguments, it may point to patterns worth talking about now. See arguments that go round in circles.
Watch the budget
Starting married life in debt for one day can put strain on the early years. Agree a budget you’re both comfortable with, and stick to it. A simple wedding is just as married as an expensive one.
Handle family with care
Parents often have strong feelings about weddings. Listen respectfully, but make the final decisions together. Each speak to your own family about difficult things. See in-laws, family and healthy boundaries.
Book your marriage preparation early
Book preparation sessions early in your engagement, not in the last few weeks. You’ll have time to think and talk between sessions, and you won’t be squeezing them in around final fittings.
Pastor Victor’s preparing for marriage programme is six sessions, online or in person, which fit around busy diaries.
Talk about the first year
Plan a little for life after the wedding: where you’ll live, how you’ll split the jobs, how often you’ll see family, and how you’ll keep your faith strong. See what to expect in the first year of marriage and our list of questions to talk through before you marry.
Give your marriage at least as much thought as your wedding.
